battle field inside
the beauty of God is His amazing love. it feels comforted to know there is a God who loves and forgives. we sing about His amazing love, His amazing grace and feel better after that. and the cycle repeats itself (well, of course we pray that His revelation of His great love will truly change our lives). sad to say, our weakling beings will fail and will be filled with guilt again.
romans 7:14-16 depicts clearly what i am trying to say here- "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good."
i wonder, how many times will God forgive us? how if one day He no longer can take my nonsense and turned His face from me? but.. but God.. i'm really trying not to fall into the same cycle again. will God reply me "girl, you haven't tried enough?" will He really welcome me back into His open arms again just like the parable of the prodigal son EACH time i repent?
if my faith is about the weighing scale, i'm sure my sin is much heavier than my good deeds. if reincarnation is true, i don't know how many times of cycle i have to go through. if i need to stop desiring my own desires, gosh.. i'm way far from it. yes, i know God is gracious. but i also know, i'm hurting him continuously. i don't have the gut to face Him again. but i also know, he welcomes me with open arms each time. and i also know, i will fail Him someway or another. argh.. battle field inside that is.
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." if this is the case, i am taking His grace for granted each time i fail Him. if my willpower is strong enough, there is a way out. i should not be making any excuses then? because there is a way out. we won't be tempted beyond what we can bear. so, His grace still for me despite all?
the older i get, the more worldly i become. how to be in the world but not of the world? it is an ongoing struggle and i can never make it on my own.
i'm so confused dear Lord. i'm also filled with guilt and shame. how should i face You?
romans 7:14-16 depicts clearly what i am trying to say here- "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good."
i wonder, how many times will God forgive us? how if one day He no longer can take my nonsense and turned His face from me? but.. but God.. i'm really trying not to fall into the same cycle again. will God reply me "girl, you haven't tried enough?" will He really welcome me back into His open arms again just like the parable of the prodigal son EACH time i repent?
if my faith is about the weighing scale, i'm sure my sin is much heavier than my good deeds. if reincarnation is true, i don't know how many times of cycle i have to go through. if i need to stop desiring my own desires, gosh.. i'm way far from it. yes, i know God is gracious. but i also know, i'm hurting him continuously. i don't have the gut to face Him again. but i also know, he welcomes me with open arms each time. and i also know, i will fail Him someway or another. argh.. battle field inside that is.
1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." if this is the case, i am taking His grace for granted each time i fail Him. if my willpower is strong enough, there is a way out. i should not be making any excuses then? because there is a way out. we won't be tempted beyond what we can bear. so, His grace still for me despite all?
the older i get, the more worldly i become. how to be in the world but not of the world? it is an ongoing struggle and i can never make it on my own.
i'm so confused dear Lord. i'm also filled with guilt and shame. how should i face You?
Comments