a woman after God's heart

i can't explain it... but it's really mind blowing to realize days passed so swiftly. just one week ago, i finished my set of night shift... looking forward to coming home and meeting my family. and i remember i didn't sleep much that day. after i was home, an hour later i was back in PJ area, at IKEA with mom and sis. today i am home, and my sister is married and staying with her new set of family members. it was last night where i was so stressed up, as if it was my wedding dinner. i was running here and there for sis and bro-in-law; trying to rectify things which went wrong. i was instantly "vomiting out" a speech for my sister coz i lost her paper. i had to go up the stage and bleh whatever i can to fill in some gap. it was yesterday the tea ceremony.. it was yesterday my sister coloured my finger nails for me. it was yesterday i saw my sister woke up in her pyjamas and gave her a massage before she begins her busy wedding day. it was two nights ago where sis ...

it's my favourite season of the year! okay, i know it's not that near.. but well, stop and think for a while. time flies isn't it? it was like yesterday i went through the orientation at working place, going to HR numerous times to collect documents and being yelled at for being slow at work. *stop thinking, open your eyes, look at the calender* it is mid of October already! in two months' time, i can include "one year experience" in my work resume. having said that, ten months just slipped away... just like that. i failed numerous times in certain areas of my life. for instant, i wanted to do so much but so little (or perhaps) nothing was done. my dreams were left as merely dreams. motivation decreasing, life disappointment increasing... :( i want to label myself as "pandai cakap, tak pandai buat". spiritually not heading forward either. friendship wise, i haven't been pursuing actively i suppose. i read a quote yesterday which goes like this ...

should have gone home. really... should have gone home :( it's too late. sigh... when i'm upset, i think of home. nowadays, home is somewhere i feel like running to by hook or by crook. but reality and life circumstances prevented me from being so emotional. i wanna go home.

i can't help it but be upset. i wish i don't feel this way too. sigh. i'm so tired of all these. :(

the beauty of God is His amazing love. it feels comforted to know there is a God who loves and forgives. we sing about His amazing love, His amazing grace and feel better after that. and the cycle repeats itself (well, of course we pray that His revelation of His great love will truly change our lives). sad to say, our weakling beings will fail and will be filled with guilt again. romans 7:14-16 depicts clearly what i am trying to say here- "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good." i wonder, how many times will God forgive us? how if one day He no longer can take my nonsense and turned His face from me? but.. but God.. i'm really trying not to fall into the same cycle again. will God reply me "girl, you haven't tried enough?" will He really welcome me back into His...