when I am in far far away land

I am feeling extremely homesick today. I think of my mom; the things I accompanied her to do, the food she cook for me, the care free days at home, those nights we chit chat in my room. Then I think of Mr. C; walking in the park with him, his face, the conversation we had. I suddenly recalled all the things I forgot to do back at home last week :(

Here, I feel mistreated at times. I feel like an unpaid maid many a times. Why should I carry the responsibilities of keeping the house clean? Why should I worry if I do not go home, the clothes will not be kept? Why do I clean the toilet, the fans when others have a share in using them? I do not cook anymore because I do not want to feel like a maid. Sigh, my heart after all is selfish. To obey God's commandment takes more than just my own strength.

There was an option for me to shift out or continue to stay. After contemplating the pros and cons, I somehow chose to stay on. But time to time, my heart gets tired and I start to have selfish thoughts. And I feel bad for having such thoughts. I should not be judgmental as God is always gracious to me. There is a war going on in my heart,

I feel like going home now but I know I have my commitments here. Classes are starting this week, I will be busy with assignments and work and class once again, and it will test my patience to juggle with all these and the house chores. Even now, there are times I feel like bursting out but I remember to be peaceful with one another as what the Bible says.. so I suppress my anger and frustration. Well, adulthood, welcome into my world. 

Three more weeks before I get to go home. Three weeks of assignments, classes, work and my internal war before I get to be home. Till then, I pray that God will help me to be a light and not overwhelmed by darkness around. Till then, I pray I find peace in Christ. Amen.

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