When it is no longer a trend...
So recently, I got quite a bit nostalgic. I started reading old emails and blog entries. I reminisced what I felt and thought when I was younger. The truth is, life moved on and I am where I am now. The ones who used to matter so much to me has become strangers now. It made me think, who's next? Who is next in the stranger list?
Life has moved on.
Everyone has moved on.
One thing for sure is that writing does help me feel better. It still had the same effect as 10 years ago. That, did not change.
This evening, I got the news that my project has been approved! When my boss told me the news, I, without filtering my thoughts, replied her almost immediately, "I don't know if I should be happy or not". After realizing what I have typed, I quickly added, "coz two weeks equals to one year bond...haha". The real thoughts at that point were, "will Mr A be disappointed with this news?" I was hesitant to tell him this news yet I knew I had to.. It wouldn't be fair to him if I didn't consult him. If he was serious about settling down, I guess this news ain't helping. Oh well, I chose this path and therefore will be responsible to walk on it... even if Mr A decided to move on.
Yeah, so US next year. I want to see the Statue of Liberty, walk on Manhattan street, visit the memorial of World Trade Centre.. I am yet to plan the itinerary. I haven't completely digested the news... will pray to God for wisdom. Talking about asking God for something, I am such a lousy daughter. I only remember Him when I need something or in deep shit... or else, He hears nothing from me. I only felt guilty for the hypocrisy in me.. sigh it's an ongoing struggle. I hope I do better tomorrow but worried at the same time if I will disappoint Him all over again. I don't want to make promises because I have been making empty ones to my daddy God. Please forgive me!
By year end, I shall know the outcome between Mr A and I. He will move in to his house (finally!) and hopefully feel a sense of achievement because it is another milestone in his life. Our distance will be further, more sacrifices needed to be made in order to maintain the relationship.. and it will be another real test in our relationship. I have learned to reserve my feelings in order not to too hopeful therefore less damage to the heart. Whatever it is, I still wish for the best for the love of my life.
And yes, today marks the 5th year working in this red dot. I have been here for 4 years now. *pat on the shoulder* Tomorrow I will get my residency.
Good night!
Life has moved on.
Everyone has moved on.
One thing for sure is that writing does help me feel better. It still had the same effect as 10 years ago. That, did not change.
This evening, I got the news that my project has been approved! When my boss told me the news, I, without filtering my thoughts, replied her almost immediately, "I don't know if I should be happy or not". After realizing what I have typed, I quickly added, "coz two weeks equals to one year bond...haha". The real thoughts at that point were, "will Mr A be disappointed with this news?" I was hesitant to tell him this news yet I knew I had to.. It wouldn't be fair to him if I didn't consult him. If he was serious about settling down, I guess this news ain't helping. Oh well, I chose this path and therefore will be responsible to walk on it... even if Mr A decided to move on.
Yeah, so US next year. I want to see the Statue of Liberty, walk on Manhattan street, visit the memorial of World Trade Centre.. I am yet to plan the itinerary. I haven't completely digested the news... will pray to God for wisdom. Talking about asking God for something, I am such a lousy daughter. I only remember Him when I need something or in deep shit... or else, He hears nothing from me. I only felt guilty for the hypocrisy in me.. sigh it's an ongoing struggle. I hope I do better tomorrow but worried at the same time if I will disappoint Him all over again. I don't want to make promises because I have been making empty ones to my daddy God. Please forgive me!
By year end, I shall know the outcome between Mr A and I. He will move in to his house (finally!) and hopefully feel a sense of achievement because it is another milestone in his life. Our distance will be further, more sacrifices needed to be made in order to maintain the relationship.. and it will be another real test in our relationship. I have learned to reserve my feelings in order not to too hopeful therefore less damage to the heart. Whatever it is, I still wish for the best for the love of my life.
And yes, today marks the 5th year working in this red dot. I have been here for 4 years now. *pat on the shoulder* Tomorrow I will get my residency.
Good night!
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