Flashbacks
There is a reason to how we behave now.
Recently, maybe since beginning of this year, I get a bit annoyed when people start to ask if I am getting married. I even drafted a post for my birthday, subtly hinting everyone not to ask me that anymore. "When the time comes, it will be made known."
In the midst of my house chores, I remember this particular behavior of mine. And an incident came to my mind. Few years back, maybe 4 years ago, Mr. A brought me to a hotel to dine. It was a 4 or 5 star hotel. It was a rare thing to do back then, and inside my female head which overthinking is common, I thought he was going to propose. Half way through the buffet dinner where the ambience was nice, we were happily chatting, Mr. A asked me if I thought he was going to propose because he brought me to such a "atas" place. With such question, I knew it was not going to happen on that day. I forgot how I responded to the question but I remember him asking me if I was disappointed.
I guess that incident did had an impact on me, now that I retrospectively write about it. I think I did not want to guess when will that day comes anymore, least my hope becomes shattered glasses. I know that when it comes, it comes. After a while, I stopped hoping that it will come; in fact I am prepared for the worst.
Just need to vomit this out so that it doesn't disturb my head anymore.
Recently, maybe since beginning of this year, I get a bit annoyed when people start to ask if I am getting married. I even drafted a post for my birthday, subtly hinting everyone not to ask me that anymore. "When the time comes, it will be made known."
In the midst of my house chores, I remember this particular behavior of mine. And an incident came to my mind. Few years back, maybe 4 years ago, Mr. A brought me to a hotel to dine. It was a 4 or 5 star hotel. It was a rare thing to do back then, and inside my female head which overthinking is common, I thought he was going to propose. Half way through the buffet dinner where the ambience was nice, we were happily chatting, Mr. A asked me if I thought he was going to propose because he brought me to such a "atas" place. With such question, I knew it was not going to happen on that day. I forgot how I responded to the question but I remember him asking me if I was disappointed.
I guess that incident did had an impact on me, now that I retrospectively write about it. I think I did not want to guess when will that day comes anymore, least my hope becomes shattered glasses. I know that when it comes, it comes. After a while, I stopped hoping that it will come; in fact I am prepared for the worst.
Just need to vomit this out so that it doesn't disturb my head anymore.
Comments