a woman after God's heart

Usually a month has a maximum of 31 days. This month felt longer than that. The sequence of events and the anxiety of waiting definitely prolong the 31 days. Right now, I'm in a confused stage. After I paid my contract and resigned from my workplace, while i was serving the two months notice, there were events that made me think twice about resigning. I question: is it God that is trying to tell me something? Or... Is it otherwise? I'm less worried about the finances or other factors... But am more troubled about whether i am walking in His ways. I understand God gives us free will.. But Lord, at this moment, can you take away this liberty of having free will and direct me to the paths which You have prepared for me? Just like Jacob who cheated Esau for his father's blessings.. I think I understand the importance of my Father's blessing and am almost that desperate to have His blessings... because it will change one's life. Dear God, please hear me. In my own mi...

Why do people get upset so easily? Why do I get upset? Especially towards people we claim we love. Then it makes me think, actually how much do I love them or vice versa when temper is what we show them most of the time. I don't feel loved when they throw their temper on me... I don't feel that important in their lives anymore. I believe they feel that too. I read one status the other day which goes "Your temper depends entirely on how much time you set aside to grow in God." So I guess I found the answer. Recently, I always have the impulse to leave this place. And turn over a new leaf in a new environment. Maybe I thought if I leave, then probably I will be appreciated more. Sigh, but again, I think that's a very immature way of thinking. It's called running away... I wish I have learnt the skill of verbalizing my feelings, then the other party would know how I feel (which is the best solution of it all). If it continues on like this, I know where it leads -...

i can't explain it... but it's really mind blowing to realize days passed so swiftly. just one week ago, i finished my set of night shift... looking forward to coming home and meeting my family. and i remember i didn't sleep much that day. after i was home, an hour later i was back in PJ area, at IKEA with mom and sis. today i am home, and my sister is married and staying with her new set of family members. it was last night where i was so stressed up, as if it was my wedding dinner. i was running here and there for sis and bro-in-law; trying to rectify things which went wrong. i was instantly "vomiting out" a speech for my sister coz i lost her paper. i had to go up the stage and bleh whatever i can to fill in some gap. it was yesterday the tea ceremony.. it was yesterday my sister coloured my finger nails for me. it was yesterday i saw my sister woke up in her pyjamas and gave her a massage before she begins her busy wedding day. it was two nights ago where sis ...

it's my favourite season of the year! okay, i know it's not that near.. but well, stop and think for a while. time flies isn't it? it was like yesterday i went through the orientation at working place, going to HR numerous times to collect documents and being yelled at for being slow at work. *stop thinking, open your eyes, look at the calender* it is mid of October already! in two months' time, i can include "one year experience" in my work resume. having said that, ten months just slipped away... just like that. i failed numerous times in certain areas of my life. for instant, i wanted to do so much but so little (or perhaps) nothing was done. my dreams were left as merely dreams. motivation decreasing, life disappointment increasing... :( i want to label myself as "pandai cakap, tak pandai buat". spiritually not heading forward either. friendship wise, i haven't been pursuing actively i suppose. i read a quote yesterday which goes like this ...

should have gone home. really... should have gone home :( it's too late. sigh... when i'm upset, i think of home. nowadays, home is somewhere i feel like running to by hook or by crook. but reality and life circumstances prevented me from being so emotional. i wanna go home.

i can't help it but be upset. i wish i don't feel this way too. sigh. i'm so tired of all these. :(

the beauty of God is His amazing love. it feels comforted to know there is a God who loves and forgives. we sing about His amazing love, His amazing grace and feel better after that. and the cycle repeats itself (well, of course we pray that His revelation of His great love will truly change our lives). sad to say, our weakling beings will fail and will be filled with guilt again. romans 7:14-16 depicts clearly what i am trying to say here- "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good." i wonder, how many times will God forgive us? how if one day He no longer can take my nonsense and turned His face from me? but.. but God.. i'm really trying not to fall into the same cycle again. will God reply me "girl, you haven't tried enough?" will He really welcome me back into His...

i almost didn't bother to check this site because i thought no one will be interested. i am surprised to see comments.. and a comment from someone i haven't hear from a long time :) thanks for dropping by! i went to wash up just now, preparing to sleep... since i am only home once a week or sometimes two weeks once, sometimes there can be significant changes at home. for example, just now, i went to toilet to wash my face. i noticed the facial soup bottle is empty. and i took some from "facial-cleanser-look-like" bottle with some unfamiliar language to wash my face. that's a pretty great risk. i was thinking, "how if that's not for face?" ahh.. but i couldn't be bothered coz common sense tells me that it is for the face. then i came back to my room to change. and i changed to my pyjamas. so.. i realized i don't tuck in my t-shirt anymore (oppss.. for those who didn't know, i used to tuck in for some reasons. don't laugh!). then, a que...

so here am i.. i have a lot of reflective journals to complete (10 HOURS!). goodness! but hour like this is my emo hour. thoughts and reflections come, and blog is tempting me. hmm.. let's make it quick then. yup, so this is my last semester in this diploma course which i have chosen. although i love my profession and never regret to be here, i must admit that i complained countless times that i wanna leave and quit. unless you are here, you will not understand the ordeal we have to go through. i shed tears here.. my temper was tested to the max and whatnots. at the brighter side, i love my friends... very much. i don't dare to think what is awaiting me tomorrow.. and days ahead in this semester. all i think i wanna do is take one day at a time with God at my side. here it is, God - semester six. here i come! i give you this day, dear Father God. teach me to be faithful in the little things.

long time since i came here. i almost forgotten about blogging. so who else is with me here? so i have been procrastinating in almost all areas in my life. i remember one good friend once told me, "you are not assertive enough." yeah, i think i really need to be more assertiveeeeeeeeeeeeee. procrastinating in my homework (long time since i used this word, eh?). i make excuse for myself and yesh, facebook is at fault!! i browsed thru facebook.. and saw that few of my a level friends.. or acquaintance met up in nottingham and graduating! one of them graduated first class.. WOW! yeah, then i got a lil emo (plus today i had a bad day at work).. and think - we took the same course, came out from the same a level college.. but.. we are at different ends now. well, (come back.. come back).. i don't or never regret choosing this path. maybe i may take longer time to reach there or be "somebody", but this path has made me a better person, that's for sure (through al...

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Well, I didn't count down this year. Basically I just ran out to the balcony to see the fireworks. I feel a bit emotional when I realized 2008 has passed. There's an impulsion in me.. felt like grabbing 2008 and don't let it pass. I think 2008 has been a great year to many. Almost all the memories in 2008 are worth remembering and I told myself that 2008 is one of the most meaningful year in my life so far. It was my turning point when I stepped into this place where I am now, the college of nursing. It tasted sweet and sour. January I stepped out of my cozy house and lived 5/7 days in hostel. It was a miracle when I found out that I am placed in the same room as Jessica. Praise the Lord! I have 51 new found friends. The orientation week was... quite bitter but stretching my patience. Till this day, I still carry the orientation trauma they caused me...those days where there was no such thing as freedom of speech.. That day when they told me ...

1) What is the relationship of you and him/her? Hui Chian.. my friend whom i got to know during add maths tuition. she bore with my craziness and wasting of teacher's time. 2) Your 5 impressions towards him/her. very sweet girl, can be crazy too (as far as i rmb), kinda patient, hey your add maths better than me right?? 3) The most memorable thing he/she had done for you. laughed together during tuition.. she's a fun person! 4) The most memorable thing he/she have said to you. ... can't remember le.. 5) If he/she becomes your lover, you will... freak out! have i became a guy overnight? 6) If he/she becomes your enemy, you will... try to recall why i hate her.. hahaha 7) If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to improve on... i dunno.. can't imagine that. 8) If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is..... she hated me for being too noisy in class? 9) The most desirable thing to do on him/her is? came out with silly ideas to relax ourselves. 10) The overall impression ...

Okay, most of you must be wondering what does the title mean.. Night off? It simply means my off days after my night shift. I was on night shift for 4 nights and having my off days now since yesterday. 3 days seem long but actually it's not. 1 day needed to readjust my biological clock. So which means left me 2 days. Anyway, am having another extra off day because of Raya Haji in December. It was an interesting week that I've got. I cleaned a dead body with 4 of my friends before the mortuary people came to collect her. I touched a dead body for the first time. It was a bit horrifying but.. it's all in the mind. I remember what was my thought when I cleaned her.. I was wondering where is she heading to after this. The reality of heaven and hell will be discovered by her by now and what was she feeling? Shocked? Regret? Glad? I don't know. It's a mystery to be discovered by every individual on their own. I had the thought to go for a movie this afternoon.. but it was...

I look so short >. My college's counsellor Sis. Katherine, buddies JC and Jess, principal Ms Ng and my RA (running assessment) tutor Ms Goh. My tutor in charge, Ms. Kat. She's a great person! Great actors.. Tracy and I. We successfully produced one mini film. Holding candles and passing them on to show our appreciation Another buddy, Poi Inn. JC!!! The cast for "Save one, save one hundred" (some are absent in the picture) and many more backstage crews.. Their support made this possible :) The night before D-day, after our test.. Just to test Bee's talent. And it's 2am.. Class at 8am!

Yes, I am leaving.. LEAVING YOU, XANGA.COM! It almost took you a thousand minutes to load the page. Because of your ineffectiveness and poor service, yes... I'm shifting over. Bye bye, Xanga! It's November! Gosh, can't believe this.. Just yesterday my friend was asking me what month are we in now. How blur.. College's annual dinner is over... my musical sketch was a success! Praise God! Every group intake has to perform, and we did a mini musical sketch entitled "Save one, save one hundred". It was a proud moment as we received many compliment. Hehehe. Finally, we did it! The rehearsals were in the midst of our tests and assignments, and God knows how we pulled it through. I'm back in the clinical area now, practising in a 4 bedded ward. I've been in team A for few days and it was so busy.. so so busy. But.. am loving it.. :) One patient was so cute. He said the hospital should raise our salary because we are so nice. Did you hear that, Mr CEO? Last n...